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I learned on Wednesday that my little girl dream of being a published writer is coming true.  Blood Lotus, an online journal, accepted my poem "Resurrection" for its May issue. 

As I look into publishing more and more it appears putting poems on blogs is a bad idea for would-be published writers, so I've taken all my poems off this blog and won't be posting new ones.  Which stinks because I love this forum and the feedback I occasionally get, but I want so very much to do this for real, so I am committing to the rules set forth by the industry.

I have a notebook from when I was eleven that says, in hot pink ink, that I will one day be a published writer.  It took 24 years--admittedly I was not dogged in my attempts that entire time--but the day has come.  And I freaked out.  Did you see the video of Kristen Bell losing it on her birthday when her boyfriend arranges for her to meet a sloth--an animal she has loved her whole life?  Her reaction was part joy, part shock, part full blown crazy town panic attack, and I love her for it because that sums up Wednesday for me.

When you want something so much, pray for it, work toward it, convince yourself it probably isn't going to happen, then have renewed hope, then give up again, etc. etc. etc., when the day comes that you get what you want, it can be way. too. much. to. process.  I was wildly excited, proud, scared, anxious, panicky, feeling sorry for myself that all my loved ones were busy so we couldn't rush out and celebrate, afraid to celebrate because then I might jinkx it, and on and on on.

I never really thought it would happen, that I'd be able to say I'm a published writer, but it had and I am still, a couple of days later, reveling.  I probably shouldn't be by most people standards.  I should just sit back, play it cool, pretend like I expected it all along, but that isn't me.  I have wanted this for so long that I am going to allow myself a couple of more days to really enjoy it.  After all, being published for the first time only happens once, and this once belongs to me.