Therapy

Today I am starting therapy.  In about 45 minutes actually.  A lot of people hide behind this fact, pretend they aren't doing it, act like they have it all together, downplay their need for attentive and objective care, but I am not one of those people.

I simply cannot handle this section of my life alone.

There are always windows and doors available to us to look out of, to walk through.  I believe in answering the knock of my life when it comes calling on me, I believe in saying yes to help when it presents itself, and I believe in turning myself over to those who know better when I have hit the wall of being able to function on my own.  And I am there.

I am in no risk of harming myself, I do not have fatalistic thoughts, but I am terribly sad and disappointed and disillusioned and hurt.

I have my faith in God, I have my incredible family and friends, I have my beautiful dog, I have my belief that all will be well, but I also have an overwhelming sadness that nips at my heels with sharp and jagged teeth, tearing flesh and causing me to stumble, bleeding, down the hallway to my room each night.

So...now I have therapy.  Pray for me, world.  I need all the help I can get.

***

Went.  Talked.  Cried a little.  Feel better.  So much better.  SO much better than I ever thought I would feel after just telling my story to someone whose job it is to help me.  AMAZING.