This Too Shall Pass

I didn't intend to stop blogging after last month's post, but here it's five weeks later and I finally have something to say, though it isn't much.

My house is on the market and the school year is almost over. I will spend the summer readying for the classes I'll teach in the fall, revamping lesson plans, putting together things for the new course I am picking up, and if I am lucky I will find a part time job to make some extra money as I wait for the house to sells waaaaay below what I paid for it.

Ging through this process, all these endings, is making me think more and more about my divorce and how hard it still is to be alone. I love that man, but we were not meant to be married. We have talked about it, about how strong our friendship is, how much we love one another, how this was the right decision for us both. But even now, nearly two years since it ws finalized, I find myself aching for the security of someone to rely on. We had our communication problems, big ones if the truth be told, but if I was sad or scared, he was in the house and I could ask him to listen. Now, I can call my friends, I can even call him, but I don't have someone who, no matter what time of day or where they are, they can come running to me. That may seem like a silly thing to want, childish even, but I want to give that to someone, that constant and unwavering attention, and so it is what I hope for in return.

I know every thing is going to work out. The sun will rise tomorrow morning and set tomorrow night as it has for centuries before and as it will continue to do so for centuries after. We will all move forward, and this middle time, sad and lonely as it has been, will fade and I won't even really remember how hard it was, the joyful always trumping the tragic with time.

I didn't mean for this to be a maudlin post. It's just a hard time right now, so much to do on my own. I know there are people built to be alone, who relish that independence, never needing or wanting to rely on someone else. I appreciate that in others, and I respect it. It's just not for me.

So, universe, tonight I ask for the strength to see beyond this moment, to dwell possibility, and to know this too shall pass.