Christmas

My family has a rich tradition during th holidays.  Christmas Eve is almost always at my Nanny's (maternal grandmother) and because her four daughters all live in Salina, we have a houseful.  Good food, gifts for the children, great conversation, and the pure peace that comes from being surrounded by people you love.

Since my divorce, I have often felt separate from the joy of family functions.  Not because of anyone or nothing in my family--I am truly blessed to be a part of this wild and wonderful group--but I have felt alone even in the midst of all this joy simply because it is hard to accept that the partnership I was once half of no longer exists, and the older I get the more I need that alliance.  That feeling of it being us against the world.  I see that in my parents's marriage and in the beautiful family my brother and sister in law are building with my nieces Eva Olive and her 15 days old sister Ivy Elane.  

This Christmas, I did not go home.  Instead, I spent the holiday with the man in my life.  I've never had my own Christmas before, one for which I prepared the food, the guests came to my home, etc. And, with the exceptions of a deep cut to my left index finger trying to cut open a pomegranate for the cheesecake I made and a bizarre nosebleed that came on last night, it went off without a hitch.  

What I've realized this year is that being with the person I love makes me feel connected to the world and to the joy of the moment in ways I simply can't feel when we are apart.  I may not have had the houseful of relatives I've come to know over the years, but I am surrounded by love and that is, without hesitation, doubt, or exception, all I could ever ask for.

Love love love one another.  It is the only thing that matters.